I Always Knew
by Scarf Warriors
Summary: A NEW series from the makers of It's Been A While.  A collection of short romance stories, with random pairings.  R&R, it's worth your while!
1. Jamie And Victoria

So, a new story, a new series in fact. This is entirely made up of romance stories, some make sense. Some are odd. Some are illogical. Some are totally and utterly INSANE. But no slash. It makes me shudder. The Doctor may turn up, if I decide it will be so, but only if I decide a pairing is going to work. Don't expect any 10Rose. It's not just companions either. Some I/We (if the Jolly Gnu takes part) have got the following lined up:

Jamie/Victoria - this one, and there is a distinct lack of J/V on fanfiction, and it disgusts me.

Ben/Polly - a very obvious one

Ian/Barbara - another obvious one

Adric/Nyssa - I like this one, it's obvious to me in KOT

Adric/Martha - an insane one XD

Kamelion/K9 - yep, that's what it says

Jack/Rose - Jack would go out with anyone, and Rose is a slutty chav, so I have to

10/Rose - Hahaha, only joking

Turlough/Liz - another mad one, that seems to be totally illogical to me

So, on with installment number one! Oh, I suck at serious romance. Expect the silly pairings ones to be better.

* * *

**Jamie and Victoria**

Jamie was a bit uncomfortable with it. Victoria's new like for shorter dresses was very obviously catching his attention, and his attempts to either hide it, or ignore it, were futile.

"It's not too short, is it?" she asks, and as Jamie stares dumbstruck, the Doctor's reply sends him bright red.  
"No no no my dear, I mean, look at Jamie!"

* * *

"Jamie, how do I get to the wardrobe room again?" she asks, poking her head into Jamie's room. He tries not to look at her as he replies.  
"Take the right, the left, then the 16th right, after-"  
"Can you show me?" she asks him all too sweetly, and he is forced to look.  
"Och aye," he finally says, and rises to his feet. When they arrived in the wardrobe room, Jamie turns to leave, but she pulled him back.  
"What should I wear, Jamie?" He looks over the dresses and other clothes wordlessly, trying to imagine Victoria in them. His eyes lingered on an incredibly short 60s miniskirt, but resisted the temptation and selected traditional hunting trousers. Victoria nodded her approval, and kissed him on the cheek.  
"I always knew you were interested in my dresses," Victoria said with a smile. "I just wanted to see whether you would choose something for my benefit or for yours." Jamie blushed, and went even darker as she pulled his head to her's and kissed him properly. They broke, and turned towards the door.  
"Ladies first," Jamie said with a bow, and Victora left the room, and Jamie followed behind, admiring the tight trousers she was wearing.

* * *

Well, what do you think of this story and this idea? Reviews mean virtual brownie points, and even virtual hugs if a) it's a very nice review and b) you're virtually attractive. Other entries accepted, but 10Rose is out immediately, and it MUST include 'I always knew' somewhere, in whatever context. Whatever pairing. Except 10Rose, but I said that. Entries will be dropped if Grammar/Spelling is so bad I can't be bothered to correct it, slash, Doctor/Companion (except Romana), or bad plot lines.


	2. Adric and Martha

I was going to do Adric/Nyssa, but couldn't think of a good situation, and The Ginger Fanclub appears to have left a dratted Virtual Flag in the way.

I'll just clear some things up. This is being written very late at night. I am smiling oddly because Christopher Eccleston was in Heroes a couple of minutes ago, and he said 'Fantastic'. I have now seen the clock, that was in fact hours ago. The late-nightedness mean expect poor grammar, poor dialouge, poor humour and poor sentance structure. I am rushing, as after this I must do my maths coursework. Also, as much as the story may suggest it, I do NOT hate Adric. That is purely for the purposes of porpoises.

* * *

**Adric and Martha**

Adric always felt a bit small in the TARDIS. He tried to join in with the conversations but all he ever did was sound like he was whingeing.  
But that was until he met Martha Jones.

* * *

Martha was feeling particularly annoyed. She was only staying on this TARDIS contraption because of the opportunity of exploring other worlds. But what annoyed her was the Doctor's constant prattling about this blonde chav who was with him before her. She always thought the Doctor's other companions must all have been ugly chavs too.  
But that was until she met Adric.

* * *

Some random Tuesday, 2008. Beijing. The fifth Doctor strode towards the stadium as Nyssa, Adric and Tegan followed in his wake. He was getting odd stares, as was Adric, due to their odd attire, which Tegan and Nyssa were trying to inform them of, but to no avail.  
The same random Tuesday, 2008. Beijing. The tenth Doctor strode towards the stadium as Martha followed in his wake. "But I don't get it, why did we come here rather than to the London Olympics?" Martha questioned, trying to keep pace with the rapidly striding Doctor.  
"Well, you complained when I took you somewhere I had already taken Rose, so I decided to come here instead."  
"Oh..."  
"Ah."  
"Ah?"  
"Eh?"  
"You aahed."  
"I did?"  
"Yep."  
"What I meant to say is ARGH!"  
"ARGH?"  
"Yep."  
"Why?"  
"ME!"  
"Ah."  
"Ah? How do you know what I'm ARGHing about?"  
"You're worried about your clothes."  
"No! I mean look, there's me!"  
"What that dork in the cricket outfit?"  
"I WAS NOT, A DORK!"  
"Eh?"  
"That's me when I was younger. Much younger!"  
"So you HAVE taken companions to this olympics!"  
"Meh. I forgot."  
"Who are they then?"  
"Tegan, the annoying whining one, Nyssa, the know it all smart one, and Adric-"  
"The young, dashing one?"  
"The young, dashin- No! The nerdy, whingeing one!"  
"Well he certainly looks dashing to me..."

* * *

"ADRIC! COME BACK!" the Doctor yelled to Adric's rapidly retreating figure.  
"This is all we need!" Tegan exclaimed. Meanwhile, about 200 metres away, Adric was dashing. He heard the Doctor's shout and looked over his shoulder.  
"BUT DOCTOR, LOOK!" he yelled over his shoulder, still running. "WE NEED TO- Ooof!" Adric's annoying whingeing voice was cut off as he ran straight into Martha, knocking the pair of them over. While the tenth hid from himself, Adric climbed to his feet, then offered a hand to help Martha. She took it, and he pulled her up.  
"Sorry," Adric muttered sheepishly, before looking up at her, into her eyes.  
That's when the fireworks started.  
"LOOK, WE'RE MISSING THE OPENING CEREMONY!" the Tenth yelled as he emerged from hiding. The fifth looked mildly suprised, but stopped when he remembered.  
"Look Adric we really must get to the stadium they must not light the torch until we get that magnesium out of it!" he babbled.  
"Magnesium is that really bright chemical in Fireworks isn't it, Doc?" Tegan asked.  
"Well it isn't bright, it just burns bright, bright enough to blind you, it has-" Nyssa was interrupted as the fifth yanked on her arm, and dragged them towards the stadium.

* * *

"You, Adric, are, an idiot," Tegan spat at him.  
"Well how was I supposed to know they put the magnesium in on purpose!" he argued back. The tenth looked pained. The fifth just looked blank. Martha was giggling. Nyssa was grinning insanely. They were walking back to th hotel they had booked, and arguing all the way. It wasn't long before they arrived at the hotel, on the outskirts of Beijing. "Right this is the situation, there are 3 rooms, all with 2 beds. We're going to do a draw to see who shares with who, if anything but for simplicity." The Doctor purloined some straws from the restaurant, and tossed a key each to Adric and Nyssa, and kept one himself.  
"Right, Adric, you have 346, Nyssa you have 347," he continued. "You go off to find them, then report back. So, long straw me, medium Nyssa, and the short straw, gets to stay for a night in a room with Adric. Good luck!"  
The tenth drew the long. Tegan cheated, and pulled the medium straw. Which of course, left Martha with the short. That was purely for the benefit of the stupid.  
Martha strolled through the lavishly decorated corridors, and up to the dreaded room 346. She entered the room, to find that Adric was nowhere to be found, so in fact she found nothing. Then, she spotted him out on the balcony. She went through the curtain, and joined him, looking out over the nighttime city.  
"What are you looking at?" she asked him, and he pointed at the stars.  
"I'm trying to work out which stars we've seen from other planets."  
"I always knew I'd see them closer one day. You can't do it can you, it's all too much. But-"  
"Actually, it's that one, that one, that one, that one and those two over there, I think that one, oh yes, those three, and-"  
Martha shut him up in a way that neither Nyssa or Tegan had ever done before. And most certainly not the Doctor. She grabbed his head and locked their lips together. The distant crackle of fireworks was the only noise heard. They fell apart gasping, and went back into the room.  
"I guess we'll only be using the one bed tonight," Martha said suggestively, as Adric fainted.

* * *

Meh. 


	3. Jamie and Ace

I am back! Well I'm not. Fronque is.

* * *

It was morning in the TARDIS. Well, no it wasn't, because the TARDIS is dimensionally Transcendental, so can't have a fixed timescale. The Doctor began to get dressed, discovered he'd eaten too many custard creams, and totally failed to get into his question mark pullover. He gleefully threw the questionable garment into the incinerator. He positively skipped to the TARDIS console room, where Ace was doing handstands. She flipped to her feet, thus creating a breeze with her bomber jacket. The wind whipped through the Doctor's shirt, and he suddenly realised how cold he was. He needed A New Jumper. "Ace?" He inquired, dragging her to him by the ankle with his Umberella.  
"Yeah? What, Professor?"  
"Do ye fancy a trip to Scotland?"  
"Wicked!"

* * *

James Robert MacCrimmon sat in his Scottish hovel, which, by an amazing coincidence, was in Scotland, and pondered the meaning of life. He concluded that it must be something Scottish, and went to find a haggis. Suddenly, he turned, staing in awe as the TARDIS materialised in front of his kilted self. Ace stepped mechanically out of the policing protuberance. Jamie stared at her. "Oi, are you Jamie?" she asked, as Jamie, still wide- eyed, stared. "And look at my face!" Jamie dragged his eyes upwards. The woman called back into the TARDIS. "Okay, Professor, it's definitely him."  
The Doctor emerged, and promptly turned blue with cold.  
"Alrighty, Jamster." Ace smirked mournfully. "This is the Doctor. And please, if you're looking anywhere, look at my FACE!"  
"DOCTOR?!? Is it really you?" Jamie yelled excitedly. "Y-yes i-i-indeed it i-is." Shivered the Doctor.  
"An' you're a Scotlander!" the jilted kilter said. "Wel, then. Ye shouldnae be turnin' blue! We're Highlanders! We dinnae feel the cold!" The Doctor stopped turning blue, and turned tartan instead. "I want a jumper this colour," he informed Jamie. "D'you know wherrrrre I can get one?"  
"Certainly, Doctor!" yelled Jamie. "Come away in! My hoose is sae toasty warm-" he winked at Ace. "-Ye'll be takin' layers off instead o' making moore"  
As Jamie walked into his cottage, Ace turned to the Doctor. "Is he-"  
The Doctor nodded sagely. "Yes."

* * *

The Doctor stepped into the mercifully warm wool mill. A man wearing a woollen tartan kilt, a woollen tartan plaid, a woollen tartan shirt, a woollen tartan jacket, a woollen tartan pair of socks and a woollen tartan balaclava. "Hello!!" the Doctor yelled. "Have you met the man who runs this tartan woollen mill?" "I am he." came the reply. "What do you want"  
"A sleeveless jumper made of tarrrrrtan wool." The Doctor requested. "Ooh, I don't think we can do that." The miller told him. "We're fresh out of tartan wool."  
Five minutes later, the miller found himself tied to a wall, while the doctor made wool out of random molecules.

* * *

Back at the shack, near the wall with a crack, Jamie was trying to get a relationship with Ace on the track. Ace gave him a smack. "Look, you scottish nutcase!" she yelled. "Stop flirting with me, give me my jacket back, and for Gordon Bennett's sake LOOK AT MY FACE!!!" Jamie moved his line of vision up Ace's body. "MY FACE!!!!!!!!!!" Suddenly, with a flash of light, a Cyberman appeared. "DELETE!!" spat the Cyberman.  
"Die!" Yelled Ace, leaping up and swinging her baseball bat and kicking out with her boots with the knifes in the heel. Jamie admired her armaments for a few seconds, then decided to act... The Cyberman was aware of another feeble human presence in the building. He raised his optical sensors to see a kilted creature speaking in a strange accent, holding what appeared to be the interior bodily support of a human head. "Alas," said the creature, "Puir Yorrrrick." Apalled at the terrible acting, the Cyberman started towards Jamie, giving Ace the opportunity to leap onto the Cyberman's Cyberback and sink her gold tooth into the Cyberneck. The Cyberman screamed and threw Ace violently against the wall. He staggered forward and started smashing Jamie over the head with the skull. Then the Cyberman exploded.

* * *

As the Doctor entered the shack, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his new tartan jumper, he took in the scene of destruction and went into defensive mode, rushing over to the feebly stirring Ace. "What are ye stirring, Ace?" He inquired. "A potion, so's I can bring Jamie round, professor." She told him. "Quickly, we must save that handsome man!" The Doctor stared at her oddly. "Did you get hit on the head, by perchance?" "Yeah, but so what?" "Never mind..."

Jamie came to. He saw Ace standing over him, and was immeadiately flooded with excitement. He flushed. "That's what I was about to do," said the Doctor, emerging from the little Time Lord's room. "I'm trying to rouse Jamie." reported Ace. The Doctor looked.  
"Seems you're succeeding." Said the Doctor.  
"ROUSE him! I said ROUSE HIM!"  
Jamie sat up, which was a very fortunate move. "The Cyber plot has failed." The Doctor was saying. "It seems these Cybermen were from Telos' equivalent of the Royal Shakespeare Company, looking for experienced thespians to appear in their next production. However, they were so revolted by Jamie's Hamlet-"  
"I've never heard it called that before." Jamie interjected.  
"-That they have decided not to invade Earth and abduct all actors." "Good." Said Ace. "I never want to see another tall, thin silver giant for as long as I"  
"WAIT!" Yelled the Doctor. "Tall and Thin? Did you say tall and thin? But they can be resurrected!" Suddenly, the Cyberman's body reformed, and he stood. "Destroy!!" He yelled. The Doctor whipped off his jacket, and jammed his new tartan jumper over the Cyberhead. "Unexcellent! Strange patterns damaging optical sensorrrrrrrssssss..." The Cyberman fell to the ground. "Boozy-woozie Psychadelia..." groaned the dying Telosian. The tartan pattern burned out the isolinear brain, and the tall, thin cyberman died for the last time (In this story, anyway.  
The doctor then fled shivering into the TARDIS to find a waistcoat. Jumpers were too much bother. Meanwhile, Ace and Jamie stared lovingly into each other's eyes. "Oh, Jamie"  
"Oh... erm..." "... Ace"  
"Ace... I love you"  
"I love you too... please look at my face"  
Jamie finally looked at Ace's face, and realised that her facial features were beautiful as well. As the sun sank over the horizon, despite the fact that it was nowhere near sunset, their lips met, and the Earth was, for once, at peace.

"I always knew I shouldn't ever visit Scotland."

* * *

Russel T Davies is ven more incompetent that ever. THAN EVER!!!

KILL! FIRE IF YOU'RE LAW CONCIOUS!


	4. TARDIS, Kamelion, Tegan and Turlough

The Jolly Gnu, The Jolly Gnu, He Has A Hat, He Has A Shoe, That's Because, He's The Jolly Gnu.  He is also totally mad.

**

* * *

**

TARDIS/Kamelion/Tegan/Turlough

Tegan murmured happily as she turned over in her rumpled bed. Suddenly, her eyes jerked open as her body hit another. At first, she was terrified, but then she remembered her strange encounter with Turlough the previous evening. He had been so charming... telling her how much he admired her... telling her how beautiful he thought she was... and one thing led to another... She opened her eyes to stare at the ginger lad. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Tegan drowsily got out of bed and opened the door. It was the Doctor, believe it or not.

"Sorry about the knocking," he said. "And with me repairing the TARDIS after the malfunctions she's been having recently, too. There's too much knocking going on in this TARDIS," he concluded cheerfully. Tegan agreed with him, thinking of something completely different. Just then Turlough turned up, looking suspicious. Neither Tegan nor the Doctor knew why he looked so suspicious all the time, but the Time Lord suspected that if he looked less suspicious, people would stop locking him up all the time. Tegan, meanwhile, was wondering why Turlough was out here in the corridor looking swarthy, instead of in bed, looking asleep. Suddenly, the Doctor peered interestedly into Tegan's bedroom.

"Tegan, why is Kamelion in your bedroom?"

This gave Turlough the opportunity to ask a question of his own.

"Tegan, why are you writhing on the floor looking shocked?"

Tegan opened her eyes. Turlough was standing over her looking suspicious (So would you be from Tegan's point of view) and the Doctor was wringing a damp flannel over her forehead, and over Tegan's forehead as well. Kamelion was looking as smug as an immobile and unconvincing prop can be. She sat up.

"Why are we in the console room?" she asked.

"To get out of your bedroom," replied Turlough. "The smell of Kamelion all over your clothes... uurgh!"

"How do you know what my clothes smell like anyway?" asked Tegan suddenly, which caused Turlough to whistle innocently. Kamelion glared at him jealously. The Doctor turned to the guilty android.

"Now, see here Kamelion!" he said angrily, wagging a finger. Kamelion looked upwards, and became engrossed in the ceiling. This meant that the Doctor had to explain the phrase 'see here'. Kamelion attempted to face the Doctor again, but his head fell off. He staggered a little, then divested his limbs. The Doctor sighed and buried his face in his hands.

"Come on, everyone," said the Doctor. "Everyone grab a body part and let's go somewhere where this bloody prop won't collapse." Tegan and Turlough obediently grabbed a part each. As they left, the TARDIS gave an agonised groan...

In Kamelion's room, which I won't describe, but you can imagine must be jolly nice as he spends so much time in there, Tegan, Turlough and the Doctor put their parts on the floor and reassembled Kamelion.

"Kamelion, can you hear me?" the Doctor asked.

"Working," reported Kamelion.

"Well, stop that and listen!" said the Doctor angrily. "As I said to Adric, sleeping with people you've only just met is against the rules." His eyes filled with tears. "Alas, poor Adric. He went before his time. Trouble being, he never seemed to know when his time was."

Tegan huffed.

"Huff," she went. "Stick to the point!" she said, handing a pin to Turlough. "Justice still has not been served! Kamelion has breached my personal space, and I demand, erm..."

"Satisfaction?" guessed Turlough, but shrivelled up when Tegan gave him a withering glance.

"Compensation," finished Tegan. "I say we dismantle every last nut and rod off his carcass!"

"NO!" shouted the Doctor, annoyed. "We must find out WHY Kamelion is behaving in this manner!"

Turlough bent down, and began fiddling with Kamelion's innards. The Doctor began to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, then saw that no one was looking, so kicked Kamelion. This got Kamelion working, and the android sat up. His mechanic eyes roamed about the room, then rutaned to his body and gave a report. Turlough fell over in shock at the sight of Kamelion's eyes turning into Rutans, and immeadiately Kamelion pounced on the ginger lad. Appalled at what Kamelion tried to do next, the Doctor whacked him with a haddock. Kamelion seized Turlough and fled. The Doctor headed off in hot pursuit, then got locked in a fish freezer for two hours, which made him pace around in cold pursuit. When Tegan released him from the fish freezer, they followed some red herrings to Turlough's bedroom. The Doctor smashed open the door to reveal a terrible sight. Moving Turlough's lifesize cutout of the Mykra out of the way, the Doctor staggered back in shock. Kamelion stopped chasing Turlough around the bed, and turned to the Doctor.

"Doctor!" Kamelion shrieked. "How handsome you look today!" He started towards the Timelord, but stopped and stared down at the smoking hole in his chest. The Doctor started shouting at Kamelion's hole until it put out its cigarette. Then Kamelion collapsed, having been shot by Tegan. The Doctor then informed Turlough that he could take off the bikini.

Tegan entered the console room. The Doctor was stroking the console, making cooing noises. Turlough was thankfully wearing his shirt and blazer, and just for a change, some trousers too.

"What's happening?" Tegan asked, in her affable Austrailian accent.

The Doctor turned, beaming.

"The TARDIS is pregnant!" he announced.

Tegan screamed, because she's a girl. The Tenth Doctor entered, and screamed, causing a lot of 10 fans over the country to collapse in tears. The Fifth Doctor threw a random object at Ten, causing him to suffer Randomobjectivitis. The tenth went off on his random objective, never to be seen again (At least, not for some time).

"But how can the TARDIS be pregnant?" Tegan whinged.

"Well, the TARDIS is a girl,"the Doctor pointed out.

"WARHAT?!" Tegan screeched. A hat of war descended from the ceiling and dropped neatly over the Doctor's head.

"The TARDIS is a gir- oh, buttocks." Tegan realised she had made a bad mistake in the past.

"I always knew she was a girl," Turlough muttered. "Is there something weird going on, Doctor?"

"Kinda," the Doctor admitted.

Tegan sent the Doctor's previous incarnation to the middle of a Dalek-Cyberman battle via teleportation.

"Four to Doomsday," she reported.

The Doctor's face cleared in a rush of inspiration.

"The Awakening?" Turlough asked.

"Enlightenment!" The Doctor revealed. "Kamelion's inner personality chip has been sent haywire by the constant temporal disturbances in the TARDIS. This has given his positronic net a yearning for physical love, and so he has been trying to engage in-ahem- intercourse with everybody on the ship."

"How likely," muttered Turlough.

"Give it a break, it's not often Kamelion gets to do ANYTHING," Tegan observed.

"And now he gets to do everything at once- oh, no, sorry, I mean EVERYONE," bickered Turlough.

Tegan hit Turlough over the head with a didgeridoo. Turlough collapsed and hit a lever on the console. The hatch to the Heart Of The Tardis opened.

Now, here, dear reader, Turlough has a decision to make. He can:

a) Act like a total moron and look inside the Heart Of The Tardis and die, or:

b) Be sane, and look away from the fatal release of energy.

What do you think Turough did?

That's right.

a).

Turlough and Tegan slowly rose from the floor.

"Are you all right?" Turlough asked anxiously, as Tegan simultaneously asked "Am I all right?" The Doctor was leaping about manically. Turlough looked at him- suspiciously.

"Rutans! Bottoms! Egg! Weasel!" the Doctor bellowed. "The TARDIS is in labour!"

Turlough couldn't care less about the political leanings of the time machine, so he leant towards Tegan and asked her out on a date. Tegan replied that she didn't like fruit all that much.

The Doctor thought. He was good at this, but he wouldn't be forever. What could he do to rid the TARDIS of the spawn of Kamelion? What do you do to a pregnant woman to rid her of a baby? The Doctor had no experience of this, so he just kicked the TARDIS. The TARDIS responded by firing a baby at him. Tegan and Turlough flung themselves to the floor. The baby looked, to all intents and purposes, like a female human baby. Wearing a trouser suit.

Tegan and Turlough clambered to their feet. When they had reattached their feet, they stood up.

"When is the baby going to be born? What's that ugly lump in your hand?" Tegan enquired.

"I think that IS the baby," said Turlough, looking at the infant suspiciously.

Kamelion entered the console room, and stared around at the tableau around him. He nervously started backing away. He tripped over and crashed into Rose, who was just randomly passing through timezones. The Doctor leapt at Kamelion and stood over him victoriously. Grabbing his tool, he started opening Kamelion.

"We must remove Kamelion's positronic brain!" he shouted. Rose stared at Kamelion's innards, as was her wont.

"What are those?" she asked.

"Oh, just some electronic chips-" the Doctor started.

"-CHIPS!!" Rose leapt at Kamelion and started consuming his electronics.

It was two hours later. They had dropped Rose off in Cardiff, safe in the knowledge that the Ninth/Tenth Doctor turned up every five seconds there. Kamelion was repaired, and was sitting in his room suffering from extreme humiliation. The TARDIS had landed at the required destination- a children's home.

"So, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, do I have your word that you will care for this baby until she grows to adulthood?"

"You do," smiled Mrs. Jones. The Doctor smiled and handed over the baby. He turned back for a moment.

"Do you have a name for the girl?"

"Harriet." Mr. Jones told him.

The Doctor entered the TARDIS once more. He crossed to the corridor to the bedrooms, and then heard giggling from inside Tegan's room. He opened the door, saw Tegan and Turlough in bed together, and immediately brained Turlough.

"I've had enough of you today, Kamelion!" he shrieked. Then he realised what he was intruding upon.

"Ooops. I always knew this wouldn't end well..."

* * *

Indeed.


End file.
